1

Maybe, one day, they will understand that I was born to resolve their conflict, which kept my parents painfully bound to each other from the beginning of their relationship. They needed me to be able to break up.

 

They had not succeeded with the first child, as his choice not to please either parent had forced them to live together for another seven years, a tug-of-war consisting of quarrels and apologies, insults, and love.

 

The surprising ability of living beings to adapt to the environment is greater when they are not aware, or don’t know, that if they cannot change a situation they have the option to leave and move on.

 

And that's what I must have done during the pregnancy, as I didn't know I had other options besides the ones I perceived.

 

Have you ever looked at yourself in a broken mirror with all those cracks branching out in all directions? Depending on how you move, you look different, it's always you and then not. But that doesn't matter because if you can look at yourself it means you're still alive.

 

The problem with pregnancy is that you can't take a break and reflect, or ask somebody what you should do, because you keep developing second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, otherwise you miss the opportunity to complete your little body.

 

I know it sounds sad, but I'm not saying anything new, I’m sure you have experienced it too. You feel no pain, sadness, or anger because these emotions are felt by those who have a clear idea of themselves, their desires, and needs, and know when other people do not respect them.

But there, inside the uterus, you are alone with that mirror reflecting a thousand different faces. At some point, you have to choose which piece to look at and decide who you are. I chose the two largest slices: in one I could see exceptionally fine vocal cords, capable of reaching angelic sounds; in the other, the majestic internal architecture of the ears.

That’s what I was: voice and sound!

 

Well, those two wedges matched perfectly. I've to admit that I was lucky, because I didn't have a tough time choosing what to keep and what to let go of to build my personal perfect world. Vocals, harmonics, melodies, and chords had swept away any other feelings and doubts.

 

Time is a tyrant... even, and perhaps more, during pregnancy.

...

Extract from the book “We Cannot Escape from Ourselves”.​​

​